1. You have best friends but you don’t know their last name, and you know their sobriety date; not their birthday.
2. When you refer to the Big Book, you’re not talking about the bible.
3. What’s moderation?
4. You can relate to meth heads and heroin addicts more than you can your own mom.
5. Spending $20 on candy for yourself on a Friday night is completely justifiable because, “you’re not consuming all those calories you would if you were still drinking.”
6. You find yourself standing around in a lot of parking lots.
7. Over half your friends live with their parents.
8. You just found out that you’re selfish.
9. Being spiritually fit is more important than being physically fit.
10. Beer commercials have ruined football, forever.
11. You can’t help but grin manically at people suffering from a hangover.
12. Holidays are the leading cause of isolation.
13. You feel like you’re growing up, and down, at the same time.
14. You have to be reminded to sleep and eat and ask when you need help.
15. Almost everything is your sponsor’s fault.
16. You probably already hate your first sponsor.
17. You’re still a little embarrassed to admit that you pray.
18. There are probably a dozen other addicts and alcoholics in your family.
19. When you tell people you’re going to a meeting and it has nothing to do with work.
20. You’re sick of phrases like, Let go and Let God.
21. When going to a meeting is more important than saving yourself from the apocalypse.
22. You are strongly suggested to stay away from the opposite sex, so naturally you are extra tempted to gravitate toward the opposite sex.
23. Seeing someone from the program around town makes you feel like you guys should have a secret handshake.
24. There is never a time you don’t smell like coffee grounds or cigarettes.
25. You are becoming increasingly okay with going to bed at 9:30.
26. You have some sober friends who don’t understand, and say things like, “it’s all about will power,” referring to your addictions and alcoholism.
27. Everyone is out to get you.
28. If a door is closed, the people on the other side are definitely talking about you.
29. Salt looks like cocaine. Ice water looks like vodka on the rocks.
30. V8 will never not smell like a bloody mary.
31. You often feel like you’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
32. When a friend switches home groups, it’s like he or she has died.
33. Your conversations consist of everything from crack cocaine and death to rainbows and butterflies.
34. If you go through the day without making a gratitude list you feel like you’re on the brink of relapse.
35. You can probably relate to everything on this list.