When in doubt, I scroll up in my sobriety archives. If I’m denying how far I’ve come entries from the first 90 days reassure me of my progress. Here’s an entry from March 8; I had just over one month.
March 8, 2013
“i cannot stop eating. I’ve been having chocolate pudding for breakfast, I wake up and the first thing on my mind is, cookies. sweets, candy. my mom hid the chocolate bars from me; i am actually being rationed. my mom has said, just have one piece of chocolate, and i have said, that means nothing to me. instead of thinking rationally about the situation, oh i need to eat healthy, i think, i just need to starve myself a little. healthy thoughts, by….”
…by Faith Anonymous…well, Faith Anonymous 7 months ago, anyway. Reading entries such as this one give me hard evidence that I sometimes need to carry on for morale’s sake. I can read the ways in which I’ve grown. Don’t get me wrong–I still love any and all forms of sugar, but today there are healthy solutions as opposed to self imposed starvation.
Healthier options have derived from a healthier mind. Now I workout, and then chow down on a candy bar. Sometimes I have to ardently force myself to drive past that Crumbs Bakery place, aka my heaven and nightmare on earth, but that’s because I’m still learning moderation, and sometimes I walk out of there with three trays of cupcakes.
So I have a sweet tooth on steroids; at least the sugar I consume for sober sanity isn’t nose candy for my addiction. See? Healthier Options.