I’ve made a lot of progress over the past 10 months…I don’t blow a gasket at drivers going the speed limit or go ballistic in grocery stores. I don’t want cocaine when I see salt. I have a job I love and am becoming a functional member of society. I even pay taxes.
I have not, however, learned restraint of tongue and pen…
Tonight I was at particularly moving meeting for newbies. The topic was triggers during the holidays, and my fellow beginners were honest and poignant. There were a number of people who I wanted to try and offer some solution to, having been there myself quite recently. I was really listening to each share, but someone in the back of the meeting kept dropping something clamorously on the wood floor. It sounded like a frying pan falling on a metal bouncy trampoline.
For the 10 millionth time (okay maybe 8th time) the disruption came again, this time in the middle of my share; just when I was getting to some tender shit. The thing dropped and I pivoted in my chair, whipped my head toward the back of the room and said/yelled a little, “What the FUCK is that?!”
To my chagrin, it was some girl knitting. She kept losing grip of the knitting apparatus thingy. I awkwardly regained composure, apologized to her and the rest of the large room (thank God they were familiar faces), and tried to spew something about a spiritual Christmas before passing. In my defense, it was a really really obnoxious noise. What was she doing back there, anyway? Combat knitting?
She was the last to raise her hand and of course shared about dying puppies and job loss. Great.
Maybe I was assembled without a pause button, and that’s why I find myself in so many awkward situations. A few months ago a guy asked me if I wanted to grab a beer. Instead of saying, “I don’t drink,” or “maybe coffee instead,” I said, “How about apple juice?”
His response: “See ya.”
Obviously someone who can’t hang with juice boxes isn’t for me, but the point is…I dunno, there’s a point in here somewhere.
sobriety unplugged 
This is just a guess, but I think when you suggested the apple juice he thought you were just being cute and blowing him off. If you wanted to get to know him “I’d rather get coffee sometime” would probably have worked better.
I can identify.
Before AA, it was situation normal. I didnt have a clue.
Through the steps, I got an education about myself and how i normally operate.
The difference today is, for the most part, I know when I am about to stick it to somebody.
Its like having an angel on one shoulder telling me not to do it and a devil on the other shoulder egging me on. Whats sick is I WANT to do it, Thats where prayer comes in.
Because left to my own devices, I’ll operate on auto pilot and be a jerk. When the urge come up, I pray to be relieved of it.
After a couple of decades of practice, I can attest that I still have most of my character defects. Though they dont rear their ugly heads so much anymore and thats only do to practicing these principals and constant prayer.
It didnt happen overnight. Even in sobriety I had to become sick and tired, of being sick and tired, about my own behavior.
I can identify as well…whenever someone asks me what size shoe I wear, I just stick it in my mouth and say…oh, about an 8 1/2!!
Sadly, its the people I love the most that end up getting the ugliness that comes out of my mouth. I have to walk away first and then start praying while I am walking otherwise…well, shoe in mouth hole again!
OH MY GOD. Two weeks ago at what is now my home group, one of our group members was giving an amazing lead. Her life and the stories were fascinating despite all the falling-down drunk stuff. This woman is in her 80s, and she’s just amazing! And yet these two young chicks (looked early 20s) brought in an entire fucking spread from Dunkin’ Donuts. At first all I could hear was their wrappers. Then them slurping their iced coffees through straws. Then this one chick kept snapping her gum. Then they started chattering! I was *THISCLOSE* to going off on them. This was the most incredible lead ever, and these chicks were being so disrespectful.
But the apple juice…love it! But then again, I am sober and awkward. Heh.