I base someone’s trustworthiness within the first 30 seconds of interaction. My immediate reactions are either a) you don’t like me so I don’t like you, or b) I trust you with my life let’s be friends forever. Lots of room for let down in there.
This past week I’ve been lost in my mind in regards to whom I should trust, who I shouldn’t, and how to decipher the code of human conduct. Last night my mom called me “guarded.” This got me thinking…am I guarded or smart? Am I my own worst enemy? Am I being rational or are most people shit heads?
My thoughts can spin in circles faster than a neurotic hamsters on wheels, so I turned to my friends for help. As usual, getting outside my head was the best place to find clarity. I asked them what trust means to them; its basic definition, if it comes naturally, if it’s easy to come by or hard to come by, how you know you can trust someone, etc…The responses have helped immensely. Here they are, and I’ll keep them coming:
1) “Hmmm…Never had to put it into words. I guess it involves a bit of surrender, some blind faith, some experience.” -Anon 1, sober 3 years
2) “I threw trust in the garbage disposal a while ago.” -Anon 2, sober 30 days
3) “Going on a bender…knowing there is someone who will always pick up your call if you’re in trouble.” -Anon 3, not in the program
4) “When you’re willing to let go…just because someone tells you it’s okay…that’s trust.” -Anon 4, not in the program
5) “Trust is the outcome and peace of mind of a relationship completely fear-free.” -Anon 5, 1 year
6) “Woof. I may not be the most intuitive when it comes to that.” -Anon 6, not in the program
7) “I boil trust down into faith overcoming fear. And my struggle comes down to internal/external fear/trust. External trust is believing that others can know who I am and accept me for me. That if I admit that I am struggling that they can and will help. That if I expose where I am weak I won’t be betrayed. Internal trust is what eludes me the most because I have lied to myself more than I have ever lied to other people. I struggle in trusting my thinking, my emotions, and my motives. That’s the shit that blocks me from opportunity to put in my trust in others. I do not trust myself.” -Anon 7, newcomer
8) “I read somewhere ‘trust no man, fear no bitch.’ I think that’s my motto from now on.” -Anon 8, 41 days