Sigh.

Image

Ahhhh….dammit.

 

Here’s what not to do: indulge in euphoric recall–you know–when you look at all your old pictures and think, “look how much fun I was having.” 

Facebook is the devil in that respect.  I just lost 20 minutes of my life pressing the “over” button as I forlornly passed and observed each picture in detail.  Euphoric recall is an expression I heard last week for the first time and had an immediate understanding of.  Damn that long-term memory, that stores the good times, and damn my short-term memory, that forgets the bad times.   

A picture from the pot ranch popped up while scrolling; it was a beautiful afternoon and the sunlight was captured in time.   I can still feel that warm Cali sun hitting my skin.  Wearing a tank top, a backwards hat, and shot gunning a PBR, I think, ugh.  Those were the days. 

The Italy section kills me, too.  My two best friends and I reeking havoc in the most unforgettable/ridiculous/blackout way.  Pictures of us in Venice, standing in front of a water taxi, smoking cigarettes and drinking Peronis make me want to cry.  How I wish I could relive that night. 

Then there are pictures of Santa Con, that controversial pub crawl in New York that takes the city by storm each December. Viewing my outfit from back in time makes me laugh; camo pants, war paint, a Christmas hat, and a declaration that I was Santa’s One Woman Army.   

I don’t know what the lesser of two pains are: deleting the pictures, or making negative connotations with them.

Maybe the simple answer is going back to Step 1, and reviewing my list of ways in with my life was unmanageable and the displays of powerlessness over drugs and alcohol…

I’ll disclose that list later.  

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3 thoughts on “Sigh.

  1. mike says:

    California does have a vibe. Even the green grass and leaves on the trees have a different shade of green than anywhere else I have been. There is magic out in those hills. Sort of like a presence.

    I like the NoCal pic. Do you have any of these?

    Mugshot pic? Any pics of blackouts, waking with a hangover or in a strange bed? How bout some selfies whilst contemplating suicide or jonesing for a buzz?

    I really want to see a pic of your one year anniversary or camera phone shot of that moment when you realized that everything is going to be ok.

    • Wow. Mike. Hahaha this is so slightly harsh and completely awesome. Thank you. I’ll actually write about one particular unfortunate photo for future points of reference.

      • mike says:

        Yeah. Sorry about that. I didnt read the newer post first.

        I had some good times too. Though it still blows my mind that I sometimes remember some of the worst times on the street with fond memories. In those days I had zero responsibility. Other than to get fucked up and scrounge some food, I had nothing else to show up for. Nothing. Sometimes I miss that ‘freedom?’ of not having to show up for life. You know what I mean?

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