Catching Fireflies

catching fireflies

 

Every time I sit down to write I feel the pressure of time; it forcefully diverts me from reflection and makes demands for more pressing matters.  Life is a time sensitive subject, the pressure says.   No time to get quiet.  No time, so I press on…Yet the pages of my calendar seem to turn in a blink, and in rueful anger I look back, wondering why I haven’t done “more.”  I turned 27 last Wednesday.  Summertime has arrived and I’m slightly panicked that this is my second year in the same town, and my panic takes up the whole room.

 

At work I sit here at my desk that overlooks the water. I’m blessed to have this job, but in the midst of writing tax letters I pause to zone in on the band blaring from my speakers; The Revitalists.  An interview pops up and the lead singer talks about writing a song called “Catching Fireflies,” about his redemption from a life of “too much.”  The band members go on to describe the tangible energy that comes from a crowd and it makes me panicky again that I won’t get that sensation of wild-heart filling- energy bursts sitting at this desk.

 

Then again…just yesterday afternoon, the simplicity of a moment in the woods gave me chills to my core and goosebumps down my arms. It was a cloudy, rainy, grey day.  And it was beautiful.  I looked up just to close my eyes. I left feeling grateful.  Later yesterday evening I watched the Rangers with friends and laughed so hard my abs ached. We got ice cream, and it dripped down our hands carefreely. Despite turning 27, my laughter in sobriety is childish and pure.  Maybe that’s the energy-thing.  There’s a lesson in here somewhere, but I’ll end this post abruptly, for the sake of being an hourly worker…

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2 thoughts on “Catching Fireflies

  1. Michelle says:

    I love this -it reminded me of the time I realized I don’t need chaos or crowds to feel alive…..I’m energized being around my little people or having a cupcake with a friend

  2. This is so wonderful! This is what I get out of being sober too. The real laughter, gratitude and joy! It’s good to feel and experience these things as we have never before! Very cool! Thanks for sharing. Hugs.

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