Tag Archives: grateful

Mindless? Nope, Mindfulness.

Quiet moments of reflection are leaving me teary eyed with gratitude.

Take tonight, for example.  I just finished putting groceries away, which sounds like a mindless task, but for me it brings mindfulness.

mind·ful·ness

a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. 

The events of the day are unfolding like a picture book in my brain.

I woke in a warm bed, to a clean room, my dog’s puppy stare, and sunshine pouring over my comforter.  Waking up isn’t a drag like it used to be; my mind doesn’t default to doom or gloom anymore.

After a morning of rest and relaxation my Dad arrived to take me grocery shopping.  I bet you had no idea Trader Joe’s could be a spiritual retreat, but this afternoon it really was.  A little over one year ago conversations with my Dad were limited by how little we knew about each other.  Today as we wheeled around the aisles looking for bacon, having comical debates over organic yogurts, trying samples and discussing traffic control, it was like he’s never not been in my life.   So, putting granola in the pantry and apples in the fridge might sound like nothing, but to me they represent miracles.

This evening I went to coffee with a newcomer; another miracle.  If two strangers opening up and knowing each other immediately isn’t a phenomenon, I don’t know what is.  This girl trusted me enough to tell me about her fears.  And I listened hard enough to hear her hope.

For dinner I met with my best friend.  We were born on the same day in the same hospital in 1987; cradle babies.  The fact that I still have this beautiful friend so close to me after 26 years is…I don’t know, there are no words.  It’s whatever the feeling is that washes over me when I try to articulate the feeling.

Gratitude must be the word I’m looking for.  I’m grateful for the mindfulness to recognize the beauty in the past 24 hours.

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The Committee

voices in my head

Day 226 

A few weeks ago a friend asked me:

“Do you ever feel like your thoughts are having battles in your head?  One thought will come in and then be counteracted by another almost immediately?”

“Oh yeah,” I said, “my Dad calls those voices ‘The Committee.'”

Papa Dukes, also an alcoholic, (you know how we alchies love to keep it in the fam), made me feel better about the clusterf*ck of thoughts ricocheting across the walls of my brain by giving them a label…”The committee.” My theory is that everyone has these ping-ponging mental combats, but in alcoholics The Committee screams, fights, and squalls more than a sober mind.  Otherwise our minds wouldn’t be such a dangerous place, right?  Again, that’s just my theory.

Anyway, I have since passed this comical light of craziness onto my homies in the program.  It comes in handy all the time, like this morning, when conversing via text with an amazing artist and friend of mine.  She told me that my blog has been helping her; this gave me the chills and a huge smile.  She then went on to tell me of her art project inspired through sobriety and I can’t think of anything more beautiful than using our minds in a healthy way for the first time in probably forever.

After hearing the awesomeness and wonder of her creative juices in the works I said,

“God I love art!!  I feel like creativity has opened up in sobriety.  Our brains are exploding!  Like confetti!”  I typed excitedly, to which she responded,

“It’s the committee in our heads…starting to vomit.”

“HAHAHAHAHA”

This is the kind of morning that makes the day-count count.

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